An unfair weight of the past
Childhood is a burden. As little idiots, we don’t realize it, let alone internalize it. It’s only when we grow old(er) that we begin to…
Childhood is a burden. As little idiots, we don’t realize it, let alone internalize it. It’s only when we grow old(er) that we begin to acknowledge the weight of our past. If you go to a shrink and spend 38 minutes of the allotted one hour on telling her how you struggled as a child, she will nonchalantly use the words ‘unresolved childhood issues’ by the end of the initial 5 sessions. Because maturity deems us to move on; get a grip on where we once were and grow a safety net around where we are today. Also, feel lucky even if you feel like the unluckiest soul on the face of this wretched planet!
Survival is for those who managed to break these shackles. People who were bullied once but are now in the position of never getting bullied again. People who were bullies once but are now in a position of reckoning how mistaken they were. People who neither bullied others nor got bullied by others and, thus, can’t fathom what suffering is. Amid these folks, there is a lot — the clueless weaklings, if you may — who just ambled along hoping to spot a brighter tomorrow.
For this sect, memories matter a lot. They are filled with them and boast of a yaadash that embarrasses others. People aren’t meant to stay attached to their childhood the way these idiots do. Despite being at the center of their grovelling adulthood, they harbour an unrequited longing for the days gone. The worst part about this one-sided love story is they appear to pine for both the good as well as the ugly remnants. They have no peculiar taste for the positives. Which is why when they they spot a lonely mynah, they feel the same way they did during those rheumy mornings on their way to school when they feared their math teacher: “What is going to happen to me? Will he beat the shit out of me? What does this mynah portend?” That was two decades ago and yet, they still get the same sensation when they spot that ominous bird outsider their office window.
In all fairness, that’s the place where their current anxiety arises from. The fear of the unseen. There is no cure to this problem because it begins with them. In other words, the foundation of their panic lies buried in their childhood. And for no fault of their own, they hail from a place that stank. Maybe it’s human nature to crown the blame on others and gown the accolades. Maybe they are right about their past. Maybe not.
Personally, I believe we are always wrong. Sometimes, if we are unlucky, we’ll get the illusion of being right before being proven wrong again. Yes, things do change after a while. For that effect, the show must go on. Change is a steroid on which everything functions—sometimes for good and sometimes for bad. But the key is to be sure what one wishes for. Your past wasn’t perfect, your present isn’t perfect and you won’t get a cookie for guessing why your future won’t be perfect.
Time is the cruelest of all bullies.