Short questions, long answers [Part 4]
It’s understandable why most of us are more comfortable with answers (even if they are incorrect) than questions (even if they are profound). Questions make us think and that’s not always an enjoyable sensation. Thinking makes us conscious of our limitations whereas answers provide us with an instant ego boost. The one who questions tends to be powerful in this exchange unless the respondent has the right answers in place. Either way, it’s funny how our literacy system almost failed to prepare us for asking questions as well as seeking answers.
I am known in my circle for asking questions and I don’t carry a lazy questionnaire. Excuse my French but I go deep and hard. Not because I don’t care about you but because fillers are a sign of weak conversations. If I am to ask you how have you been, I need to know how have you been. For real. Otherwise, there is no point asking. In this wholesome spirit, you must have noticed that I’ve shared a series of questionnaire (to myself) on this blog at periodic intervals. So far, There have been two AMAs conducted on Instagram (Part 1 & Part 2) along with a Proust test and three series of short-questions-long-answers (Part 1, Part 2 & Part 3). What you are reading currently is the fourth installation in this particular series.
Without further ado about everything, let’s get rolling with some interesting queries.
What's something you learned recently that you really should have known?
I’ve learned with time that we end up lonely depending on our choices. Nobody else can make those choices for us.
What really makes you angry?
Little things make me angry but the anger at others quickly transforms into anger towards myself. It doesn’t last long as I turn into a detached state as a coping mechanism (to deal with the situation). In my heart, I’ve moved on as soon as I understand what happened. If there is confusion about what happened, then it would lead to anger staying for a longer time. However, the moment I understand the situation, I snap out of it. To give you an example, if the waiter brings the wrong order, I’ll be pissed at myself for not giving the order in a better manner, only to convince myself to enjoy the food on the table. That said, watching people litter upsets me and so does mistreatment of street animals (dogs, cats, cows, etc.). I’ve stopped watching sensitive animal cruelty videos because it messes with my head and I find trouble sleeping. It also angers me when I do something that I’ve asked others not to do. When I repeat mistakes, I am furious to see myself not learning anything and being foolish. I hate being helpless – not knowing what to do to make things better. I depend a lot on knowledge and not knowing something (which I am supposed to know) bothers me. A lot.
What inspires you to better yourself?
On the surface, the answer is nothing and nobody. I don't have structured dreams or goals. I just float with time. Like a feather in a pillow that has been released out of the window. 10 years ago, I had a lot of space for inspiration. But life didn't turn out that way. Deep down, mostly people who appear sorted on the outside inspire me to some extent because, with time, I’ve understood that it takes much to even have that sort of appearance on the outside. Anything that takes effort and time is worth it. It’s not easy to keep stuff under control. So when I come across individuals who are dedicated and diligent in what they do (or how they are), I seek some sort of inspiration from them. But this ‘inspiration’ never lasts long enough.
What has been the best year of your life so far?
Professionally speaking, the second half of 2012 and the first half of 2013 was a gold rush. I was doing huge cover stories, interviewing biggies like SRK at Mannat, Ang Lee in PVR, Daniel Craig via Skype, Anurag Kashyap on email, Katrina Kaif on phone, Deepika Padukone at Dharma’s, Shashi Tharoor at Taj, etc. During this phase, I interviewed Mira Nair on the phone while standing in an overcrowded local train! That was such a memorable phase: interviewing an ailing Bhanu Athaiya and struggling to hear her properly, conducting a phone interview of Mrinal Sen in Kolkata, being impressed by Prem Chopra’s gentlemanly manners, and so many more such humbling surprises.
You have interviewed many celebrities, anything you learned peculiar?
I obviously enjoyed interacting with them because I refused to ask clichéd questions. I always posed hard-hitting, innovative stuff. Maybe that’s why they enjoyed talking to me. However, they were not my friends per se. In the field of journalism, they are professionals who need you during that interview as much as you need your byline in the newspaper. It’s all a professional setup. Best to not feel invested in any of these personalities. They are accomplished, yes, but that’s a coincidence. Nothing more. Just like me interviewing them on that particular day was.
When you were younger what did you think marriage would look like?
From childhood onwards, I didn’t have a favourable outlook of marriage. There weren’t many happy examples around me. From whatever I saw at home and the violent nature of marriages around in our chawl, I was quite convinced that marriage is a terrible concept: too much compromise and too little space for freedom. As a result, I didn’t envisage a married life for myself. Inside my empty head, marriage was more about respect and affection, and less about dancing to traditions. Later, I learned that when you marry, you marry into people’s extended lives.
What sounds do you love?
There are many sounds I am fond of:
Birds calling in the morning
Movie themes that I recognize (be it Godfather or Fight Club)
The sound of rain splattering against the window pane
Ranga’s adorable look-at-me bark
Ajji’s endearing way of calling me Sunilooooooo
Amma’s reassuring voice under ANY situation
Maami’s funny way of saying Haalo on phone
Sound of laughter caused by me
Silence caused by something outrageous I said
MS Subbulaxmi’s rendition of Suprabhatam
Lucky Ali’s yodeling in his songs
Ustad Bismillah’s shehnai in Swades (goosebump alert)
Netflix’s intro da-dumb sound (very exciting!)
During my chess days, while playing speed chess, there was a unique beep sound you would get when you win a game on microseconds
Upsi’s soothing voice despite the hell she went through
All the soundtracks of Drive (2011)
Jalebis/Pakoras hitting the hot oil
The honking of the arriving blue train
The best thing about a rainy day?
Staying indoors and enjoying the view from the window/balcony with a hot cup. That would be ideal. I love looking at the coast and noticing the rain cloud moving towards our building. It’s like chasing raindrops while being chased by them. Getting out for a walk in the rain sounds like a nice idea but in practice, is very icky and uncomfortable: very difficult to hold an umbrella and not get wet and do stuff and move without slipping, etc.
What's the biggest risk you took that didn't pay off?
Engineering. I knew during school itself that I wanted to be a writer as I was more in tune with words (I enjoyed lyrics more than music) but my parents (along with my tutor Aslam sir) were keen that I become an engineer and not pursue “sapno ki gully”. They wanted to secure my future and work towards ‘scope’—middle class India’s all-time favourite word. After initial resistance, I agreed wholeheartedly to the engineering cause and went to polytechnic in Nashik while my friends joined junior college close home. Five years later, I had dropped out of engineering, only to go pursue BA (English) and MA (Journalism) from open universities.
If you have to spend a week in someone else's shoes, who would you pick and why?
Putin. I really want to know what runs in his head. Countries like China, India and Turkey dream about the Middle Kingdom, Akhand Bharat and Ottoman Turkiye but don’t do much about it whereas this man is actually going ahead with the annexation of Ukraine (the second largest country in USSR). He is crazy but practical too. So, yes, I would love to read him from his shoes although that’s a very difficult task at hand (and legs).
Do you think you know what women want?
The short answer is no but the long answer is more interesting. I think women need the exact same things that men want but they won’t say it out loud. They want the comfort of the same house, the taste of the same food, the same clothes, the same experiences of the newer world, etc. Just that women see things a bit differently, I guess. They don’t see things in black and white like men do. There is always a maybe for women. They have a better grasp of reality even if their perspectives are limited. Women have been quietly running this world since time immemorial because they know that credit doesn’t matter. Men are petty in comparison and hold onto titles. But the difference between men and women is women don’t understand the difference between want and need whereas women clearly do. My early understanding of the man-woman equation came from my parents: what does a man want (money to run a family) and a woman want (kids to grow up well). As a boy, I thought all men should be like pappa and all women should be like amma. Of course, with time, I acknowledged my mistake.
What colour is your aura?
There was this young colleague who was into tarot cards and spoke about psychic stuff. She once said that my aura is of mehaan’s shade. She informed me that mehaan is Sanskrit for cloud. According to her, my aura is sometimes very white and sometimes, pale white and sometimes, grey and sometimes, it’s dark and sometimes, very dark – just like a cloud – although the expression on my face doesn’t change much. That was her view and I found it intriguing. I think the colour of my aura is pale blue; the colour of the Mangalore sky during summer. For some reason, I resonate with this shade.
Your favorite romantic movies.
My idea of love was built around selflessness. Even as a boy, I thought love can’t be conditional. If you do something for others, you shouldn’t expect anything in return (although it sounds beautiful in thought, I don’t think I’ve always practised it). But yes, that has been my raw understanding of romance.
Based on these thought processes, I think Wall-E (2008) is my fave romantic movie of all time. I know it sounds strange because it doesn’t even feature human beings. It has two robots with the male robot (Wall-E) madly in love with the female robot (Eve). But despite being machines, he has pure love for her and goes out of his way to protect her from harm. I think it can’t get more romantic than this.
On the human front, I thought The Lunchbox (2013) was damn romantic. Never meeting each other and just sending each other messages, sharing deepest thoughts and secrets about oneself, without any fear. That is love at its truest form, I think. Or maybe my lazy idea of romance is pathetic like me.
Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam (1999) was romantic as it featured a husband who was keen on making sure his wife ends up with her lover. In the end, she chooses her husband over her lover. What can be more romantic than this super-strange honeymoon in Italy?
Although she dies in the end, Lootera (2013) was poetic and drenched in orthodox romance of the pre-independence era. That song ‘sawaar loon’ was sung from a female perspective but it applies to men too. We love to take care of ourselves better as love is a deeply selfish act.
Casablanca (1942) was about WW2 and yet it made lost love fashionable and made you root for Bogart’s careless attitude. You know he wanted her badly and yet he let her go because her life is more important (to him) than his own. And war can be recklessly cruel.
The last scene of Sleeper (1996) hurt me because he was always in love with her but because of his twisted childhood, he didn’t seek her. It leaves a bad taste but for a good reason. On the other hand, Good Will Hunting (1997) is a positive romantic story actually because he chooses to drive to her instead of opting for a career as a prodigy.
In Fight Club (1999), the Narrator imagines Tyler Durden but what if he is also imagining Marla? Despite their clear attraction for each other, what if she is not even real? Which makes you wonder “Sab moh maya hai kya?” — even in the final scene, he is fast holding her hand as they stand in front of the collapsing buildings. Even in those moments, he cherishes her presence and touch.
Of course, these are according to my understanding of love and life. Most of these movies don’t even fall in the Romance genre but I saw them a bit differently.
How old do you feel on the inside?
People usually say that they feel young inside even if they are greying and wrinkling on the outside. I don’t relate to them. I mostly feel very old inside. Sometimes, I wake up and feel like I’ve lived for 50 years or so. It’s a psychological trap that I’ve gotten into early on. As a boy, I couldn’t wait to finish school so that I could join pappa as a waiter at the very restaurant he worked at. That was my first tryst with the concept of time: that time must pass quicker than it can. What this led to is, I’ve become an impatient person who fails to enjoy stuff and sees everything as a task to be done with.
What's your wildest fantasy?
To be my own boss without having to go through the trouble of becoming an entrepreneur. Zero business sense here, sorry. I don’t want to be answerable to anybody anymore. My fantasy is centered around becoming a full-time writer. Somebody with the stature of Harper Lee or JD Salinger where publications are dying to get them to write but they will write when they feel like. Or not write at all. Like Fran Lebowitz. Basically living life with zero obedience and spending time on whatever I feel like spending, instead of what I am doing currently doing for a living. That would be an epic change.
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