The cost of lack of self-awareness
In almost all of the job interviews that I conduct, I ask a classic question about the candidate’s strengths and weaknesses. To drill it down, I categorically go for one strength they are proud of and one weakness that they are trying to fix. Most people I’ve spoken to have leaned more generously towards their potency and sounded less conscious of their shortcomings.
This mindset is understandable but not entirely excusable.
The world (disconnected yet contiguous) we live in, the era (Content Age, not Information Age) we so ardently suckle on, and the species (homo sapiens technologia) we apparently belong to, collectively indicate that we are growing awfully unaware of ourselves.
If you count observation as a hobby like I do, it’s quite a phenomenon.
You probe a person what they like about themselves and they have a readymade list. You interrogate them about the things they dislike about themselves and they always have to circle back. There is no preparation there. They pseudo-pretend to be humble on the surface, simply because faux-modesty is yet to fade out of fashion (the way chivalry did). I find it interesting mainly because these same people tend to latch onto bad memories more than the good ones: they cry and worry more about their misfortunes, and are less grateful about their good luck. So, pound to pound, they are like the rest of us. Nothing special about them.
If anything, what we learn here is a stark contrast between how a person looks outside and how they peek within. The reason they are gung-ho about their strengths or likeability factor is because they have understood their social currency. They are not looking within; they are merely looking at what the society (wants to) see in them. It’s a reflection of a reflection.
What is really happening within somehow stays hidden.
Which might explain conversations as follows –
ME: “So, what do you appreciate about yourself?”
THEY: “I am a reliable person and am always there for others. I never have malice or envy towards others. My natural instinct is to help others and make them comfortable. All my life, I’ve tried my best to be a good person. I can’t imagine doing anything wrong to others deliberately. My conscience remains clean at any given point of time. I can’t think bad about others even in my imagination. Nope.”
ME: “And what do you not appreciate about yourself?”
THEY: “Hmmmmm. I trust others very easily.”
ME: “Anything else?”
THEY: “I am a softie.”
On closer examination, you’d notice a pattern here. Self-criticism is not an art form. It’s an acquired skill. The interviewee above doesn’t seem to realize that even in their self-criticism, they are basically praising themselves. As inane (or innocent?) as it seems, critical thinking is sorely missing in action.
To shift the conversation towards job hiring, the flow would be slightly different but hilarious.
ME: “So, what do you admire about yourself?”
THEY: “Oh, I am an excellent doer. I just get things done in the best way possible. I hate it when things are not moving. I have to be in execution mode all the f-ing time. It’s just me. This is who I am.”
ME: “And what do you not admire about yourself?”
THEY: “I know it’s not a cool thing to say but I seek perfection in what I accomplish. Half-decent is not good enough for me. I can move mountains to do things the way they should be done.”
OK, Steve Jobs. Thanks for your interest in our startup.
Such conversations are a direct extension of what the internet has been feeding us since the 2008 recession. There is a subculture on social media that ultimately became the norm in less than a decade. The modern influencers-cum-philosophers are goading us to love ourselves and the new lot has taken it too seriously. They are leaving little to no room for self-awareness. So much so there is hardly any discourse around it. Forget criticism, the scope for sincere feedback is fast vanishing lest you hurt someone’s feelings beyond repair.
What a wonderful, wonderful time to live in!
The lack of self awareness can be quite jarring .. what’s sad is listening to people talk - let’s take these people you interviewed and wrote about they have no original thoughts , most people nowadays just speak in Internet language - that’s the starting point of what could be potentially a little less admirable about someone ..
With that being said .. I’m someone trying to not focus on my dark side so much .. my self awareness of my less admirable traits took me to another extreme of not focusing on the good in life and also maybe projecting my thoughts and desperately looking for not so admirable qualities in others ..
Living in extremes in easy and balance is hard .. ( they said )