What makes you very very happy?
The other day, I had an epiphany of sorts. The last two words of the previous sentence are moot. It wasn’t your usual textbook reckoning where you crack the code of the universe, and never feel pain and pressure again. Nope. This epiphany had something to do with the bats. Every evening, as the sky outside my window turns into a fleeting canvas for our Creator, bats begin to traverse from north to south. They are the only ones flying to work. All the other birds, from pigeons to egrets, are returning home at that time. Be it dry or rain, the bats stay focused on their their destination over the hill. They have to get to wherever they go every evening, probably for food and/or sex. As macabre as it sounds, they look majestic, with their massive wingspan and steady gait. Obviously no poems are written about their gracefulness. And that won’t change anytime soon. But these flying rats don’t give a flying fuck about what we despicable humans think about them and keep moving ahead.
During my school days, I was fond of a girl—without letting her know, of course—for 6 years straight. Sounds strange to admit now but I was fond of her kindness and hands. Yes, a weird combo. Despite being a brilliant student, she was nice to academic losers. And her pretty hands were straight out of cartoon movies — elegant and expressive. Being someone who was always tongue-tied, I found her hand movements during elocution competitions very fascinating. I wish I had that level of confidence. It took me more than a decade to reach that space where I could talk properly in a room full of strangers. In a way, we are attracted to what we think we are missing. It could be anything from beauty to allure to confidence to, sometimes, even noise.
Whatever you assume to be correct, and wherever you are as of today, things will change. Nothing remains the same forever. That is the pull of time and the arc of life. What has to happen will happen and you will grow through it. Like a helpless creeper that holds onto anything worth holding on to, only to cover the whole wall within no time. That is your pull, and your legacy is your arc.
One of the key aspects of a long-lasting friendship is the lack of judgement. You accept the other person for what they are, and not what you want them to be. This is the guiding principle of any bond. Thanks to this blind adherence, in a way, friendship feels more liberating than spousal relationships. When you live with your partner, and realize everything seems fine, you look for cracks that don’t even exist. Why do you do this? Because you are fucking bored. With your friend(s), you never look for those cracks. You prefer to stay with them in the moment, doing the lameass things that you do with zero judgement for their intellect and your collective decisions to waste time.
When people reach out to you for advice, please understand that they already know the answer. It’s just that they want you to spell it out for them. Basically, a second-hand validation. Seldom would you be saying something that they weren’t already aware of. Most people in today’s world and era have access to way too much information. One search on Google and three videos on YouTube give a reasonably smart person enough ammunition to lead their life in the appropriate direction. Yet, people reach out to me for advice. I listen to them carefully, with utmost empathy for their situation. And tell them exactly what needs to be told, hoping that it helps. But in the back of my head, I am aware that they just want to be understood, not merely advised.
Speaking of listening to other’s troubles, the biggest problem with being your friend’s unpaid therapist is there is no out. You are stuck and so is your friend. He thinks he is sharing his burden and feeling (a bit) better. You are trying to do the right thing by opening up your heart and expanding your aural capacity. Sounds great. Until it doesn’t. After a point, you will notice that your friend is repeating his saga and you are reiterating your suggestions. And endless circle of self-pity. He expected you to listen to you but when it was his turn to listen to you, he went deaf. To make it worse, this endless game of squash is fully acceptable in the orbit called friendship.
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